dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
