i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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