Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
