I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
