Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
