There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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