What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize