When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
A+ Viking dick
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