can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
