whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
