oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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