i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Less talking, more tequila
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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