i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize