All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
