so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When did angry sex become our thing?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
