Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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