i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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