I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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