Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
