I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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