If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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