I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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