We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize