The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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