She is in my trunk
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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