u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
