It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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