There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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