Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize