you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
