when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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