home. puking in laundry basket.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
