dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
