I think my fart just growled at me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
