At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize