i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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