You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
