So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
