Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
