Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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