Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize