we're blogging at a bar
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
