I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
