i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
