Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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