Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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