Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
