The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
