Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
