people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
