so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
