this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
