If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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