I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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