Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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