he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
