chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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