this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
