Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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