what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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