how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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