I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
