drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize