Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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