I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize