Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
