i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
