The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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