dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
