Dual....:-)
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
