i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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