To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
