Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
