just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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