no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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