sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
