I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
