im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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