Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
