Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
