This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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