I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
