I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
