He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
