what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
