Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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