yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
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three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
