I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
