yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
