My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
