sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
