I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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