I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
