so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
