I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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