Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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