So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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