And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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