Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
