i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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