I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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