Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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