he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
