And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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