I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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