I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
