do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
