Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
